"And so my heart has been suffocated by fear and uncertainty; an embedded thought that any form of love will only ever hurt me."
Martha-Anne van der Westhuizen
WELCOME TO
MY WORLD
I'm a poet, a dreamer, an explorer and a lover. My words are my soul so if you can understand them, I will be completely exposed.
THOUGHT OF THE DAY
Today I would like to express my self about unexpressed emotions.
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I have always kept my depression to myself and in turn it made me even more depressed. Every single time I tried to talk to someone about it, they would simply tell me "It's just a teenager phase, you'll get over it." So, I just kept it in. Bottled it up.
But I knew. I knew so well that every other person my age, older or younger did not go through what I was experiencing.
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I felt lonely, scared, I barely slept, I cried every single day, and yes, sometimes, I believed that I'd rather die than feeling the way that I did.
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It was horrible. It was tiring. It started to control my whole life.
I was pretending to be happy every single day of my life when deep inside I just wanted to scream and hope that someone would care enough to respond.
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I tried expressing myself through my poetry, but it was never enough. No one was there to listen. It felt like no one cared. Like I was nothing.
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I don't blame other people for my depression, BUT I honestly do believe that they contributed to it. Words hurt. They hurt oh so deeply and badly. Some things still sit with me from years ago and I came to realize it stuck with me, because I never reprimanded anyone. I took the insult, repeated it to myself over and over again and eventually started believing it.
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So please, no matter who or what it is about, ALWAYS express yourself. Don't let it grow on you, because it WILL ruin you.
POEM OF THE WEEK
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I have so much frustration built up deep inside of me
And it is all getting far too much for my heart to carry
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My body feels weak and my knees are heavy
My eyes have dark circles and my breathing is unsteady
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What am I meant to do when it feels like I'm long dead
Because life was never as easy as to just forgive and forget
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Because all of my memories still haunt me, and they sure as hell still hurt
Almost like stains from your childhood when you used to play in the dirt
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They say you have to just be strong and it will get better with time
But from my own experience, it never really turns out to be fine
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My emotions run deep and my scars run even deeper
And this mountain I am climbing only seems to be getting steeper
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I don't believe that I will one day find true happiness
I don't believe in self-love and ever-living bliss
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Because this world has caused me more pain than it ever has anything else
And for this very reason I believe I am much better off by myself
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