Online Poetry | For Art Poetry & Self Portraits

"And so my heart has been suffocated by fear and uncertainty; an embedded thought that any form of love will only ever hurt me."

Martha-Anne van der Westhuizen

WELCOME TO

MY WORLD

I'm a poet, a dreamer, an explorer and a lover. My words are my soul so if you can understand them, I will be completely exposed.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

Today I would like to express my self about unexpressed emotions.

I have always kept my depression to myself and in turn it made me even more depressed. Every single time I tried to talk to someone about it, they would simply tell me "It's just a teenager phase, you'll get over it." So, I just kept it in. Bottled it up.

But I knew. I knew so well that every other person my age, older or younger did not go through what I was experiencing.

I felt lonely, scared, I barely slept, I cried every single day, and yes, sometimes, I believed that I'd rather die than feeling the way that I did.

It was horrible. It was tiring. It started to control my whole life.

I was pretending to be happy every single day of my life when deep inside I just wanted to scream and hope that someone would care enough to respond.

I tried expressing myself through my poetry, but it was never enough. No one was there to listen. It felt like no one cared. Like I was nothing.

I don't blame other people for my depression, BUT I honestly do believe that they contributed to it. Words hurt. They hurt oh so deeply and badly. Some things still sit with me from years ago and I came to realize it stuck with me, because I never reprimanded anyone. I took the insult, repeated it to myself over and over again and eventually started believing it.

So please, no matter who or what it is about, ALWAYS express yourself. Don't let it grow on you, because it WILL ruin you.

POEM OF THE WEEK

I have so much frustration built up deep inside of me

And it is all getting far too much for my heart to carry

My body feels weak and my knees are heavy

My eyes have dark circles and my breathing is unsteady

What am I meant to do when it feels like I'm long dead

Because life was never as easy as to just forgive and forget

Because all of my memories still haunt me, and they sure as hell still hurt

Almost like stains from your childhood when you used to play in the dirt

They say you have to just be strong and it will get better with time

But from my own experience, it never really turns out to be fine

My emotions run deep and my scars run even deeper

And this mountain I am climbing only seems to be getting steeper

I don't believe that I will one day find true happiness

I don't believe in self-love and ever-living bliss

Because this world has caused me more pain than it ever has anything else

And for this very reason I believe I am much better off by myself